comment wall

Comment Wall

personal image taken by Riddhi Yadav in Rajasthan palace 

Comments

  1. Hey Riddhi! Really great job on your story. I really love how you've taken something you really love and enjoy writing about and are mixing it with the stories we've read in class. One suggestion I have is to use everyone's official titles a little less. I think it's necessary to have them the first time you mention a character, but you repeat them a lot and it take away from the flow of the story. Secondly, please watch out for your spelling and grammar. There's a few mistakes that really take away from your story because you were typing fast and used the wrong word so the reader has to figure out what word you meant. Also, this last thing is small, but the link to your blog for the comment wall doesn't work so make sure that you didn't lose a letter in the address when you were copying it over. Overall though the website looks really good and the story is really well thought out!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Riddhi! I remember liking this story from your blog a lot, so I'm glad it's making an appearance in your Storybook as well. First off, I'm still wowed by the creativity of the story, and I like the dialogue style of it a lot. You integrated all of the elements of the original story really flawlessly. One thing I was wondering was what Charles' reaction was to everything? I know he dies on hearing the news, but to me the death feels sudden and random--maybe if we knew more of what he was thinking and feeling we would understand it better?
    Finally, I have a few concrete grammar/mechanics/appearance suggestions that would make this reading experience more clear, hope this helps!
    -I think the dialogue is better formatted with the speaker's name in italics, with a colon rather than a dash (this is totally personal opinion though)
    -Overall, there needs to be more punctuation. Capitalization of words, and then just anywhere that you would pause if you read it aloud, check for a comma, semicolon, em dash, or period. For example, I found the sentence beginning with "Everyone was happy" kind of confusing. Maybe if it was worded more "Everyone was happy except Korny, a hunch-backed friend of the Duchess Camilla and who wants to destroy the royal family." << what I found most confusing is the ambiguity around whether the "who wants to destroy" clause applies to Korny or Camilla.
    -People are crowned, not coronated.
    Finally, like Jess mentioned, I also had trouble with the link to the Comment Wall.

    Best of luck! Can't wait to see how your Storybook grows.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi, Riddhi! First off, I just want to say that I love your title page. That is absolutely fabulous! I really love your clever change of setting. I feel like putting the Ramayana in the context of the British royal family really gives the reader a new perspective on the story! Since you are writing a gossip column, I wonder if you could segue into the dialogue with an introductory phrase like, “Sources overheard Korny say to Camilla that, ‘there is no doubt Prince William loves you…etc...’”. That is totally not something you have to do, but it might add to the effect of your gossip column. Another thought might be to play with the font and see if there’s a type writer setting? Again, totally just a suggestion, but it might add to the aesthetic! I really loved the alliteration of, “you bloody blighter bitch”. I’m a sucker for a good alliteration. Overall, I thought you did a really good job of bringing these characters to life in a modern day setting! I think your storybook has a really fascinating premise to it and I’m really excited to keep reading it throughout the semester!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hi Riddhi! First up, I love the homepage. It really gives the feel of a gossip column and just looks great! I do have a question: is this a Portfolio or a Storybook? I figured it was a Portfolio since this is an updated version of a story from your blog, but wasn't completely sure. You might want to put something on the homepage identifying which type of project you have selected. Now that I think about it though, if you are writing all or most of your stories for your blog like a gossip column, in theory your project could be both a Portfolio and a Storybook.

    On your first story BRITISH ROYAL FAMILY SCANDALS, like I said in my comment on your original story, this is a lot of fun and a super creative idea. I agree with the previous comments on some of the formatting suggestions. Specifically, I would either format the dialogue in either the traditional manner using phrases like "she said" or, as Piper suggested, "sources stated" or I would research gossip column formatting and follow some of those guidelines.

    Beyond that, this is a very promising project and I am eager to see where you go with it.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey Riddhi!
    This is the first time I have seen your story book and I think the layout is so cool! The title "Gossips with Riddhi" suits the first story very well. I think the gossip series is something you could do a lot with and I want to keep following your page to see what you do with it! The story itself was very fun to read. I thought the different characters each had a unique personality. By the title alone of "British Royal Family Scandals" immediately captured my attention based on how much I love the royal family. I think this idea was genius and was wondering how you came up with this based on the Ramayana? Either way it is very creative! My one and only critique is the dialogue could be formatted to be a little easier to read. I was sometimes confused with all of the characters and what they were saying. Overall, I loved your story and would love to read more of your stories!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Riddhi, to start off, I wanted to say that I like your portfolio setup as it is simple and not confusing. I also like your first story about the British Royal as I absolutely love Megan Markle!! The title of the portfolio is nice as well since it isn't something that is generic and it is unique and captures the attention of the audience. I like how there are dialogue parts in the first story and that you clearly identify who is speaking at each time and the spacing really helps fulfill that goal. I would suggest to add more exciting parts to the story as they are scandals and what happens in each story could be something leading up to a bigger event happening or something big that you could turn around by ending each story with a cliffhanger or something. But good portfolio over all!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Riddhi,

    I thoroughly enjoyed your theme of your portfolio. The gossip-theme really gives a nice modern touch. I also enjoyed how you actually based your first story off of the original Indian Epics but incorporated the British Royal Family; the modern royal family allows the readers to understand and relate to the overall story behind Ramayana.

    I noticed you included quite a bit of dialogue in your first story. Dialogues are very engaging and lively, which is a great aspect in storytelling. However, I may suggest that you incorporate action beat dialogues as opposed to just indicating the dialogues with the person's name. (I.e. Camila-, Korny-,Charles-, etc.) Action beat dialogues can elevate your story by helping the readers visualize the perception of the author.

    Overall, I think you have a good theme going. I look forward to reading more modern renditions of Ramayana.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hi Riddhi! I really enjoyed reading through your project! Since this week -- week 12 -- is being focused on author's notes, I paid especially close attention to them while I was reading through the stories in your portfolio. In your story "British Royal Family Scandals" the author's note does a really good job describing the connection between the source text -- Narayan's book The Ramayana -- and the British Royal Family. I really liked how you linked together two things which seem so disparate and unlikely to be related to one another! Another thing I liked about your author's note was the description of Korny, the made up character. I think that this is a really fun name that helps the reader not to take the story too seriously, and emphasizing that this character isn't part of the connection between the Ramayana and the British Royal Family helps the reader not to get confused.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi Riddhi! Very good start to your portfolio! The title "Gossips with Riddhi" caught my attention as I was curious what this could indicate about the stories within. This week the Feedback strategy focuses on paragraph formatting, which as it looks right now I have very little to suggest since it seems you've got the spacing just right to create a natural pace for your reader. While this is so, maybe you could look back at the content of these to correct any run-on sentences? This would really help the flow of the good paragraph breaks you've got already. Otherwise, the content of this first one "British Royal Family Scandals" was really enjoyable! I think that this "scandal" that you've selected the British Royal family to represent Rama's own really goes well with the "gossip" you imply from your Portfolio name! I think it's great that you've gone with a very dialogue driven story, too, since tongue wagging and conversation after all is where "gossip" and "scandal" overlap! And for such a decision as who of the King's sons will take over his place on the throne is all too relevant! Lovely start, I'd love to see what story you will feature next!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey Riddhi,

    I am just following up from the last time I viewed your portfolio project about a month ago. Just as I mentioned previously, I still think you have a great theme to your portfolio. The gossip theme is a modern twist that helps accentuate The Ramayana stories, helping the readers get a better image of the topic at hand.

    I want to briefly touch back on the dialogue portion of your first story. I still commend you on incorporating a lot of dialogue, but perhaps you may consider using action-beat dialogue. I really think the change in dialogue style will help elevate your readers understand and engage with the story better.

    I noticed that you only have one story uploaded on your portfolio website. I do hope that you get to incorporate more gossip themed stories in your website. I look forward to reviewing your finalized project in week 15!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hello Rhidi,
    I love the look of your storybook! When I read your story, I was a bit lost for the characters. I am not too familiar with the British royalty, so I didn’t quite know who anyone was. Though I read on through the story and became acquainted with the characters and came to understand what the story was truly about. I have to say it was thoroughly enjoyable. When I got to the end of the story and read your note it became clear who the characters were supposed to be. I enjoyed the original version of this story in the Ramayana. I like the creative initiative you took to change the characters into real life people. I also like the dialogue style you did. One gathers all the information of the story through the conversation being had. I also found it comical when you mimicked the words used by people in the UK such as, “You bloody blighter bitch”. Overall that was a good story and I look forward to reading more!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Introduction to Riddhi- An athlete, singer, dancer, artist and Future Lawyer/ House of Rep

Week 2 Story: Lion King